Not of my own

“When Christ calls a man, He bids him come and die.”

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

 

2 and ½ months ago, I decided to pick my roots up and put them down in Gainesville, GA. If you know me, you’re probably wondering if I had roots at all, seeing as how I’ve lived in 11 different countries over the past 4 and ½ years. Well, yes I do have roots. We all do. I refer to them as Home.

 

I’ve traveled a lot, and loved every aspect of it. But there was always something so special about being able to go home. Home is where my roots are. Home is what I know. Home has believed in me. Home has fought for me. Home is the people that I’ve known for 25 years.

 

Home makes me feel like I belong.

 

Going to Asia, going to Africa, going to the Caribbean, going to Central America, going to Europe. They’ve all been wonderful. And the blessing that I have always received from those that I travel with, had consistently given me solid community.

 

But there’s nothing like Home.

 

Now..Things are a bit different. My home is North Georgia. My home is not the same. Home doesn’t look like home to me. Home looks like a place I don’t know. Home looks like a house I don’t know about. Home feels like a foreign land.

 

Home doesn’t feel like home.

 

I moved to Gainesville to be a mentor to young adults and help disciple them in life. My spirit runs high on relationships, and also, to have an authentic and real perspective about life. So, I felt that being a mentor/friend/brother to 50 people would be a grand way for me to utilize how my Father created me. You might label this a calling, or you may not. But it’s how I operate, and it’s what I’m going to do.

 

So that’s why I am now here. I am now here because I feel like I am following a gifting and a path that suits me well.

 

It felt so perfect.

 

Until i realized that this calling is what changed my home. Indeed, it truly was my own decision to come out here, but obedience. And responding to this obedience…. I’ve been distraught with.

 

It’s this very calling that is changing the landscape of my life. It’s not comfortable. It’s not known. There is no clarity. The familiar lifestyle I had is now gone.

 

I’ve been upset about where home is right now.

But, God. and Obedience. And Trust. And Dependence. And all the things.

 

By no means can I any longer be upset with the Lord when I have made a commitment to Christ. Because in that commitment, it bids me my own life. The Gospel seeps into every aspect of my life and it doesn’t mean that I get to just be obedient when I want to.

 

No. absolutely not.

 

What it does mean is that I have named Him Lord and Savior of my life. I have named Him King. and if I name Him King, then I am to live under an authority to do, and to live as my Father has directed me to.

 

It has felt, kinda like dying to myself.

 

It feels like a life not of my own.

 

May I be willing to take up my cross daily.